You are (insert adjective here)!



You are AWESOME! You are GORGEOUS! You are CUTE!

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As a child, I was occasionally complimented for how cute I was or how handsome I looked, but I wouldn’t know what to say.

just say thank you!

Apparently, I couldn’t take a compliment. A compliment that is really just a judgement wrapped in pretty wrapping paper with a bow on top.

Thank you for the judgement.

It all just seems like a meaningless burst of words to me, but if I actually questioned the compliment, I would be called unappreciative.

Just say thank you, Tyler, please. You are making this awkward.

But saying thank you is so much more unappreciative. My appreciation for their compliment would be thoroughly expressed if I actually explored why I was being complimented. Saying “thank you” is just a thoughtless utterance.

Of course, asking for the why behind the compliment will actually make us think about why we said what we said, but it will lead to deeper discovery. The compliment actually uncovers more about the giver of the compliment (“complimenter”) than the receiver of the compliment (“complimentee”).

You are beautiful!

Why?

A compliment is just a positive judgement based on the perception of the complimenter.

When someone says, “you are beautiful.” It is simply their perception. A perception that is influenced by the complimenter’s own beliefs about what beauty is, how they feel about themselves, your relationship with them, how they feel right now, how they think you feel right now, and plenty of seemingly inapplicable circumstances.

Remember, every moment comes with the lingering flavor of the past, awareness of the present, and the expectation for the future. When someone asks, “how are you?”, this question warrants no less than a 5 minute answer, not a 5 word answer.

“I am feeling pretty good.”

Each word and phrase we speak is a deep pool of information that looks shallow on the surface.

Compliments simply place importance on identifying someone’s characteristics. Characteristics that change based on who is playing the role of the judge or complimenter.

“You are beautiful” really means “right now, I judge you to be beautiful.”

Compliments have no substance. Giving a compliment is like giving someone a tiny taste of desert when they are starving for something nourishment.

People are starving for connection and growth, and all we give them is a tiny taste of judgement.

Instead of saying sweet nothings, create an opportunity for growth and connection.

Why is she beautiful?

What is inspiring you to say that?

You will find an answer that brings you closer together as you gain a deeper understanding of yourself.

This kind of contemplation will inspire you to communicate how you truly feel, while creating more opportunities for growth and connection.

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One Response to “You are (insert adjective here)!”

  1. Elliot Chock

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