93 Years of Suffering Forgotten in One Moment



“There is no reason to be here!”

She went through the same verbal loop again.

Lil_Raul

Decades of self-blame and regret created a pull string in her mind that was triggered whenever she thought of how she lost her sight, her hearing, and is losing her memory.

“It is so frustrating!”

93 years old and she wants to give up now, she wants to die, but can’t.

“It is just so frustrating.”

I begin to believe there is no way of changing her pattern of thought.

But what if there is a way?

You can’t always give people what they want, but you can always give them what they need.

She wanted to die because she wasn’t getting what she needed, love.

I activated my charm and humor to the fullest to break her pattern, make her laugh until she cried, and feel loved.  Every time she realized that she is blind and deaf, I leaned in and held her hand to remind her that she can still feel.

“oh, your hands are so soft!”

Her frustration was replaced by gratitude for now. For now, she is happy. And so was I.

I gave her a hug good bye for the last time. She had no idea what I looked like, but still blushed.

I thought I was there for her, but she was really there for me.

She showed me who I was, and who I can be. I was blind to all the gifts I received in every moment, and I was deaf to the words of truth.

There is no reason to be here.

I started everyday with that mantra. I could die right now and nothing would change.  I could stay alive and nothing would change.

Dying will be painful for everyone that loves me, so I might as well stay alive. Flawless logic that led to a lifeless life.

It is just so frustrating when you realize you could’ve done better, been further along, experienced more awesome things, and enjoyed life to the fullest. It is just so frustrating when you realize that you are just falling in line, living to die. After decades of living this way we begin dying to live.

Either way, you are here. 

You have unique skills and experiences that can make positive change happen. You choose your purpose and your intentions in every moment. And every moment can help you grow.

(big) BUT

and I cannot lie

It is all up to you, how you act and what you do. You decide how you express your gifts, what give, and what you receive.

What life do you want to live? Blind and deaf to your gifts and the gifts you are being given in every moment? or making the most out of every moment, every interaction, and every relationship?

I love you.

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